Chapter 1.
What is one example of "small stuff" that you let go recently?
One example of “small stuff” I’ve managed to let go has been the feeling of being excluded by some of my closest friends. Throughout these few weeks, I’ve begun to question my core values and the person I had wanted to be. Unfortunately, my priorities were not in sync with the people I was hanging out with resulting in me gradually becoming more distant with them and even disagreeing with some of the things they were doing. As a result, they began spending more time without me and I felt extremely hurt and isolated. After speaking with a few mentors and gaining valuable knowledge on relationships and peer pressure, I made a conscious decision to let that part of my life go. So what if they wanted to hangout without me and mess around. So what if they would rather party while I read my book in the comfort of my own home. I have chosen to stay true to myself and let the part of me go who was be afraid to stand up for my beliefs and values.
Chapter 2.
How does your "ego" distract you? i.e. judgement, fear, anxiety, depression, comparison, hatred, anger, and more
Being a teenager in high school, we are constantly surrounded by negative emotions and pressure from our peers, parents, and self. Sometimes these emotions or our “ego” can negatively affect our mental health and result in anxiety, depression, and overall void in life. Personally, I was distracted by my ego during my first few years of high school. Overwhelmed with academics, extracurriculars, and family life, my mental health went down the drain. I was constantly comparing my success to others and the idea of happiness quickly slipped through my fingers as I lost sight in what truly made my life worth living. I let the fear of failure control what I thought was success. The fear of doing poorly on a test. The fear of not getting all A’s on my report card. The fear of not being involved enough throughout the school. This fear was truly overwhelming and resulted in me suppressing my emotions and having a difficult time empathizing with other people. I have now learned that the mistakes that I make throughout life does not determine the kind of person that I am. I was trying to please the people around me and sought validation by my parents, peers, and teachers. Little did I know that in order to overcome my ego, I was the one that had to love myself and know my self worth.
Chapter 3.
"When you have what you want (inner peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires, and concerns. It's thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals, and to give back to others."
Going along with my response in book study 2, inner peace and knowing your self worth is essential to overcome negative distractions and ego. As soon as we are content with ourselves, we stop wasting our valuable energy on fear and being concerned about situations we have no control over. We can now channel this energy in a more positive way, focusing on our dreams and future. I can apply this quote in my own life with being distracted by the want and desire for success. Over time, I have learned, and am still reminding myself, that success is a concept and is interpreted by whomever desires it. Although we are constantly told the definition of success by society, only you can determine whether or not you are successful and have reached a level of happiness that you are content with. By having this mindset, this sense of inner peace gives us the freeing ability to focus our energy into achieving greater life goals and eventually give back to others.
Chapter 4.
Do you notice how your body and mind feel when your thinking is out of control?
When my thinking is out of control, I find that I become emotionally isolated and almost numb. Instead of expressing my emotions in a healthy way, I suppress them creating a sense of isolation. I dwell on the issue and have a difficult time overcoming it when I’m not in control. In the rare occasion that I am vocal about my feelings, I tend to lash out on the people closest to me due to stress and anxiety. Although they may be only trying to help, the bottled up emotions will be so overwhelming to the point where I have to take it out on someone else. Clearly this is far from a healthy way of coping with stress and being out of control. In terms of physical health, I tend to eat less and forget about my diet completely. This could lead to me being slightly depressed or unnecessary angry.
Chapter 5.
Can you recall a time when you made something "big" and dramatic when it was "small" and not that big of a deal?
Looking back at it now, I have realized the situation was not a big deal. However, when the event actually occurred it resulted in the end of a friendship. One Saturday morning I woke up seeing my car covered in McDonalds ice cream, two cups of soda, and a deflated tire. Prior to this, I had no conflicts or enemies with anyone at Ripon High that I knew of. After weeks of trying to figure out who vandalized my car, we finally just gave up and ignored the issue. That was until I found out that multiple people knew the girl who was behind it and were just afraid to tell me due to the fear of what that girl would do to them. One of my closest friends happened to be one of those people and as soon as I confronted him, all he answered back with was, “I’m so sorry.” After that, I felt as if the trust between us had been broken and I ended up just ignoring him until this day. Clearly, he was in the wrong but sometimes I ask myself if overreacting was worth the cost of our friendship.
Chapter 6.
What does your "in-basket" look like? And will it be there tomorrow?
When I look at my “in basket”, I can become greatly overwhelmed and anxiety begins to build within me. Currently, my basket is filled with school tasks such as homework, notes, and reading. However because I am a Senior in high school, my basket is now filled with college to-do’s and potential volunteer-work. SATs and college applications will always be a great weight in the basket, not to mention finding various ways to be involved and give back to the community with COVID. I also have to take care of my health and diet because that has been an issue I’ve had to face since quarantine started. My goal has been to be an active individual despite the gyms being closed and not having school sports.
Chapter 7.
Do you believe you are a stronger listen or could you use some work?
I believe that I am a strong listener, however I have a hard time empathizing with people. I find that I’m good at asking people questions and listening to their stories, but when it comes to putting in my two cents, I find myself struggling to come up with the right things to say. This problem is most likely due to the deeply rooted mindset that I have developed in invalidating emotion and feeling. Growing up with the idea that having feelings and struggling with emotions was considered weak, it became difficult for me to empathize with others as I believed that emotions were “a waste of time.” I was always told that I should stop worrying or being too emotional and go back to studying. This taught me to suppress my emotions and in turn I felt as if I had to say the same towards the people I listened to. It wasn’t until my freshman year of high school that I realized that this toxic mindset was not normal. I learned to be more emotionally mature and after three years as well as a lesson from Brene Brown, I have learned to be a better listener and friend.
Chapter 8.
Recall a time you have given. Did you expect acknowledgment?
I feel as if by being a part of leadership in general, our job is to give back to the student body and we don’t necessarily get positive feedback or any validation afterwards. One example of this is when we have our annual Back to School Dance in the beginning of the year. Most of the time when we have dances, the comments afterwards are generally complaints and negative commentary. Although this is a common occurrence with the student body, I have realized that people will only comment or speak about an event if they have a problem with it. However, this mindset does not stop us from creating social events for the student body. Despite the lack of praise afterwards, the environment and atmosphere that we create with these dances and school events is enough to do it again.
Chapter 9.
Have you experienced someone else ‘stomping’ on your story (glory)? How did it make you feel?
“Mom, dad I got an A on my calc test and I’m soooo happy.”
“I got 100% of my Spanish test too. It honestly wasn’t even that hard and I have a really good grade in the class,” my brother interrupted.
After attempting to share with my parents the relatively high score I received on my last test, I was instantly one-upped by my little brother. Although I understood that he too was able to share about his successes, it felt as if my news were almost cast/ stomped away. Because I always seek validation in others, especially my parents, I was beyond upset about this and our once peaceful dinnertime conversation became a chaotic screaming match. I was frustrated because I spent hours of time and effort studying for the test and it showed through my test scores, however my parents didn’t really say anything to me because they were focused on the successes of my younger brother.
“I got 100% of my Spanish test too. It honestly wasn’t even that hard and I have a really good grade in the class,” my brother interrupted.
After attempting to share with my parents the relatively high score I received on my last test, I was instantly one-upped by my little brother. Although I understood that he too was able to share about his successes, it felt as if my news were almost cast/ stomped away. Because I always seek validation in others, especially my parents, I was beyond upset about this and our once peaceful dinnertime conversation became a chaotic screaming match. I was frustrated because I spent hours of time and effort studying for the test and it showed through my test scores, however my parents didn’t really say anything to me because they were focused on the successes of my younger brother.
Chapter 10.
What are some ways that you work to stay present in the moment?
One way that I work to stay present in the moment is to remove any distractions which includes the cell phone. We spend hours glued to our phones either on social media, texting others, or simply the internet. Our society is constantly emphasizing the importance of taking pictures and recording things in order to capture the moment. However, if you become too caught up in this, you’ll find that you just miss the entire moment completely. That’s why removing any distractions and just being with the people and taking in your surroundings is important to stay present in the moment.
Chapter 11.
Think of a time when you were frustrated, now look at it as a moment of being taught...what did you learn?
Not everything is going to come easily in life. Some things may be easier than others, however our mistakes and frustrations are what builds our character.
Sophomore year homecoming I was the class president and had to organize various elements in the homecoming competition. The combination of planning all the events, extracurricular activities outside of school, and school work itself became overwhelming and led to countless sleepless nights. However, I ended up getting through the week and we had one of the best homecoming experiences of my high school career. From this, I learned that it was ok to reach out to others for help. It was necessary to delegate tasks to others and not do them all yourself.
Sophomore year homecoming I was the class president and had to organize various elements in the homecoming competition. The combination of planning all the events, extracurricular activities outside of school, and school work itself became overwhelming and led to countless sleepless nights. However, I ended up getting through the week and we had one of the best homecoming experiences of my high school career. From this, I learned that it was ok to reach out to others for help. It was necessary to delegate tasks to others and not do them all yourself.
Chapter 12.
Challenge: The next time you are in a discussion/argument, let the other person be right and take notice on the initial feeling that transpires.
In the book study 12, I chose to resolve an argument with my mom by letting her be right. Although this did end our discussion, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated because my perspective was not seen or heard. I can see how allowing someone to be right can help resolve disputes, however her sense of “victory” made me even angrier towards the end. Despite agreeing with her viewpoint, she continued to voice her opinion and the discussion turned into more of a lecture.
Chapter 13.
Do you ever have a reflective moment when you realize you are so very small in this vast world and really your "drama" isn't that big a deal?
When I’m complaining about the type of food that I’m eating or how cold it is in the house, I sometimes come to the realization that other people are forced to live under worse conditions. I think that we take the little things that we have for granted. We don’t appreciate the basic needs that we are born with and forget that other people lack that. I’ve come to the realization that I need to become more appreciative of the things and people around me. My “issues” are not as severe as I may think and I can save a massive amount of time and energy by not worrying about them.
Chapter 14.
Do you have a "mantra", a statement that you make to yourself daily or weekly?
"If you want to fly, give up everything that weighs you down."
I found myself applying this mantra throughout quarantine as I began letting go and distancing myself from some of the toxic people in my life. I didn’t realize it at the time, but those people did not have my best interest in mind. I was forced to make decisions I didn’t want to make, pretend to be someone I wasn’t, and lost sight in the person I wanted to be. Quarantine was the perfect opportunity for me to weed out the people I could truly trust, and to let go of those who prevented me from flying. Although it was difficult in the beginning, I am more than happy to say that I have accepted change and am beginning to find myself once again.
I found myself applying this mantra throughout quarantine as I began letting go and distancing myself from some of the toxic people in my life. I didn’t realize it at the time, but those people did not have my best interest in mind. I was forced to make decisions I didn’t want to make, pretend to be someone I wasn’t, and lost sight in the person I wanted to be. Quarantine was the perfect opportunity for me to weed out the people I could truly trust, and to let go of those who prevented me from flying. Although it was difficult in the beginning, I am more than happy to say that I have accepted change and am beginning to find myself once again.
Chapter 15.
Have you lost a relationship because something small created a big divide?
I haven’t completely lost a relationship, however I am more distant with this one person and our friendship is not as strong as it was before. To me, the little things in a relationship and the quality time spent with an individual are the things that matter. Whether it’s asking someone how they’re doing or simply answering a text message, these small factors contribute to a bigger divide in my friendship with this person. Eventually, the little things added up and pushed me to a point where I began to question said relationship. Due to COVID, my relationships with the people around me fluctuated greatly. This was no exception towards the friendship I had begun to lose. At first, I thought it was just distance. However when the individual became more hostile I began to see them as a stranger as opposed to a close friend. Although we may not be as close as we once were, we still manage to have fun when we do spent time together. It just wasn’t as it once was.
Chapter 16.
What do you hope to do a year from now?
A year from now, I hope to be a stressed out college student at UCLA struggling for finals. I can only wish to be doing something in terms of dentistry, whether entails being a part of a research group or shadowing various dentists. In the future, I wish to have some sort of self discovery where I am a full time vegan embracing the culture at UCLA. Although I may be wanting to jump off a cliff as a result of finals, I know that being in college surrounded by various cultures, intellects, and activities will allow me to grow as a person and find out what I am truly passionate about.
Chapter 17.
Is life meant to be fair? What does that even mean?
Life is not fair. Some people are born into wealth while others into poverty. One thing is for certain which is that no matter where you are in life, humans will never be satisfied. We always want what we don’t have. As a result, our lives revolve around that sense of “want.” Everybody’s life situation is different and comes with elements that are considered unfair or fair. I believe that life is meant to be unfair in order for humans to strive for a better version of their own lives. If life was fair, we wouldn’t have death. We wouldn’t have any sort of accidents or evils or poverty. Without these factors, the definition of human life is taken away and replaced with a utopian robot.
Chapter 18.
Do you take the time to be bored?
Chapter 19.
Have you been taught to believe high stress is a positive thing?
Chapter 20.
When was the last time you sat down and wrote a letter to someone with gratitude?
The last time I wrote a letter of gratitude towards someone was today. While applying to numerous local scholarships, I was required to include letters of recommendation demonstrating my character and personality. Morty, Mr. Felver, and Mrs. Goudeau all kindly agreed to write considerate letters towards the scholarship organizations I was applying to. I was beyond grateful and appreciative towards how highly they thought of me and knew that a thank you letter was the least I could do to express my gratitude. By writing these thank you letters, I was able to reflect on the impact that each adult had made on my life and the great influence they had on my character. I had learned so much from each person and wanted to express that through pen and paper.